I never wanted kids. I mean, never. I loved kids, but the thought of having to wake up for someone else, to not be able to do what I want, to be in charge of another human, to potentially have to do everything in the absence of a man who actually acted like a dad….nothing attracted me to mommy hood!
I am currently sitting here while my baby girl, Phoenix 1.5 months, sleeps on my chest. She has been the best thing that I never wanted. It’s all about how you perceive things. My perception was a bit one sided. Then it changed.
I met a man who completely shook my world. He is compassionate. He is kind. He is present. He is Phoenix’s daddy.
My pregnancy was pretty damn good. Don’t believe everyone when they say it’s a shit show. I had only two days of nausea. I did prenatal yoga every week. I ate lots of fruits and veggies and good shit. I got a few pregnancy massages toward the end of my pregnancy. I basically was able to treat my body the way it should be treated when it’s growing another human and my man helped with that.
Basically, pregnancy looked well on this chick who wanted nothing to do with it. I almost feel somedays that my aversion to it for such a long time was a sign to DO IT. It’s been nothing short of amazing.
I vowed and still vow to always follow my own passions but include her in them. I still do yoga. I am getting more comfortable taking her out without daddy’s help (that alone is a workout in itself!) We have dance parties in our living room and she chills in her seat while I make breakfast or take a shower. We take neighborhood walks and she enjoys seeing and hearing nature.
I’ve always been an advocate of having an open mind, yet I was closed to the aspect of mommy hood. This goes to show you to truly keep an OPEN mind. The exact thing that you are opposed to may be the one thing that changes your life completely for the better.
Phoenix, you are my muffin! And I want to eat you up every day! Thanks for coming to this world through me. When you are old enough I will be open about your journey to my life.